Totally defined: 9 to 5

According to the National Sleep Foundation, the average employed American works a 46-hour work week with over 38% of respondents reporting an average work week of 50+ hours. Now factoring in my average round-trip commute of 50 minutes, the 5 minute walk each way from the parking garage to the office, and the 'necessary' email check each night (and weekend) that puts the total time I dedicate to my job, on average, at 56 hours per week. I try to get about 7 hours of sleep a night (which usually ends up being about 4)...add that together and that gives me approximately 15 waking hours per work week to focus on the 'other' stuff of life...like laundry, bills, walking the dog, making dinner, cleaning up from dinner, oh, better buy the groceries so we can actually EAT dinner, and trying to squeeze in a workout or two to keep my sanity. Fifteen hours a week...that's around the number of hours the average teenager sleeps on ONE weekend night.

As Americans we tend to define ourselves by what we do.  Very rarely do we hear someone introduce another by saying..."This is Joe, he likes long walks on the beach, relaxing with family, and most recently completed his first triathlon".  More often, we hear..."This is Joe, he is a brand manager at (insert fortune 500 company) in (insert large U.S. Metropolis).  He went to (insert top 20 business school)...yadda, yadda, yadda".  Now, don't get me wrong, I find little wrong with defining some of who you are by what you do, but, in my mind, and maybe it's just me, there is so much MORE to me than what I do from 9 to 5 (well in my case, it's more like 7:30 to 5:30). 

Harvard Business Review contributor Tony Schwartz recently published an article entitled "Is the Life You're Living Worth the Price You're Paying to Live It?" (http://blogs.hbr.org/schwartz/2011/07/is-the-life-youre-living-worth.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter, HBR Blog Network, July 6, 2011).  In the article Schwartz likens the American work ethic to the story of a boiling frog:

What toll does it take, over time, if you get too little sleep; skip breakfast or settle for something unhealthy; struggle with a relentlessly challenging commute; attend meeting after meeting with no breaks in between; pump yourself up through the day with multiple cups of coffee or sugary snacks; deal with hundreds of emails that accumulate in your inbox; remain at your desk for lunch if you eat lunch at all; push through fatigue in the afternoon; head home at night feeling exhausted, but continue to check email through the evening; work on the weekends; and limit your vacations to no more than a week or two, if you vacation at all?

Consider the story of the boiling frog. It may or may not be true, but the point it makes certainly is. Toss a frog into a pot of boiling water and it instinctively jumps out, self-protectively. Next, place the frog into a pot of cool water. Not surprisingly, it swims around, happily. Now heat the water up very gradually and what does the frog do? It acclimates to untenable circumstances — and slowly cooks. The frog doesn't notice what's happening to him, until it's too late.

Now, this may seem a bit harsh, but I could name off a number of people (some of whom I know well) that seem to live by this credo.  Work more, work harder...work to the bone.  Don't get me wrong, I consider myself a dedicated employee and positive contributor to the organization for whom I work.  But, am I willing to give up my evenings with my husband, my weekends with friends and family, the volunteer opportunities, trips to take, and memories to make all to get in that extra hour, two, or twenty in the office to 'get ahead'?  Absolutely not!

It's interesting that the article goes on to state how counterproductive the "boiling frog" worker is:

"Allostatic load" is a term coined by the neuroscientist Bruce McEwen that refers to the physiological consequences — most especially on the brain — of chronic exposure to relentless demand. When fight-or-flight hormones circulate in our body for too long, keeping our arousal high, they become toxic — not just physically, but also emotionally and mentally.

The most immediate problem with the fight-or-flight state is that our pre-frontal cortex begins to shut down. We become reactive rather than reflective. We lose precisely what we need most in these complex times: the capacity to think analytically and imaginatively; to embrace nuance and paradox rather than choosing up sides; and to take a long-term perspective rather than making the most expedient choice.

Sound familiar?  It seems there is some truth to the phrase "work hard, play harder".  Our bodies need a break, they demand it.  I Guess I am doing something right by allowing myself to eat away from my desk on occasion, to take that much needed walk with a co-worker to the coffee shop to re-caffeinate and rejuvenate, and most importantly to allow myself to unplug and totally unwind with a good book, a fantastic movie, or an unforgettable trip with a loved one.  Hmmm, speaking of, time to plan that next getaway...this girl's not going to be boiled!!

For Better....or those 'other' times

(Comic Strip courtesy of "For Better or For Worse" by Lynn Johnston, 4.11.1980)

No one ever tells you how challenging marriage will be.  I guess that's what makes the journey so interesting. Boy meets girl, they date for a while, decide they are in love, boy proposes, and voila!, you have a marriage in the making!  Now, I don't want to seem like I am trivializing or oversimplifying the journey up to this point, but, in retrospect, that was the 'easy' part. 

I couldn't wait to marry Jason...shortly into our courtship I knew he was the 'one'.  Up to that point, I always wondered what that phrase meant...the 'one'.  In the words of "Jerry Maguire": 

"He completed me"...completes me... 

Finding the right mate is like finding that perfect pair of running shoes....they have to be comfortable, sturdy, flexible, supportive, and most importantly, enduring.  I'll be the first to say I am not an easy person to live with.  I am tenacious (stubborn), ambitious (pushy), and eager (impatient).  No one's perfect, right? 

Whenever you take two independent, motivated individuals and unite them into one, you are bound to have a few bumps along the way.  Being married is akin to a lifelong rollercoaster ride...a new adventure awaits with every up, down, twist, and turn.  Jason and I have had our share of adventures...testing the limits of our patience, strength, and endurance as a couple.  Sometimes the most mundane tasks (like taking the car key off your key ring before locking the car and heading to the start line of a running race) can lead to a new adventure (like calling a locksmith on the 4th of July to break into said car where car key is safely nestled along with cell phone needed to call locksmith and wallet needed to pay locksmith) to joyfully listening to said car's alarm blare not so tranquilly for 45 minutes while said locksmith and husband try to figure out how to turn it off.  Yes, our adventures abound! 

I do have to say though, that I think I've found that perfect pair of running shoes in my mate.  His arms provide the perfect place to rest comfortably and read a book, watch a movie, or talk into the night.  His hands are sturdy, always holding us up when it would be much easier to fall down.  His flexibility has allowed us to travel the globe and open ourselves to amazing, unforgettable experiences.  His support has and continues to allow me to pursue my professional and personal passions with enthusiasm.  His love for me and evertyhing he does endures this rollercoaster ride of the better and all those 'other' times in our journey together.  And the best part...we get to cover all of these miles and adventures together...in retrospect, all of those 'other' times make for pretty funny stories too!