Things I Remember...

My Great-grandmother, Elsie Kaiser, was a wonderful writier, amazing cook, talented gardener, and most of all, an unforgettable woman.  I had the pleasure of enjoying her stories, history, and affection for the first 23 years of my life.  She left us in 2002 at the age of almost 102!

My mom forwarded me these 'words of wisdom' the other day...reminds me of my great-grandmother and grandmothers...and all the wonderful woman I have and continue to have the pleasure of learning from...

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Change the way you think.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month...

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. Release your children when they become adults, its their life now

9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.

16. Take a deep breath It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Just because you believe you are right, doesn't mean you are. Keep an open mind.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26.. Frame every so-called disaster with these words; 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30.. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. Your job is to love your children, not choose who they should love.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere..

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43.. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield..

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Totally defined: 9 to 5

According to the National Sleep Foundation, the average employed American works a 46-hour work week with over 38% of respondents reporting an average work week of 50+ hours. Now factoring in my average round-trip commute of 50 minutes, the 5 minute walk each way from the parking garage to the office, and the 'necessary' email check each night (and weekend) that puts the total time I dedicate to my job, on average, at 56 hours per week. I try to get about 7 hours of sleep a night (which usually ends up being about 4)...add that together and that gives me approximately 15 waking hours per work week to focus on the 'other' stuff of life...like laundry, bills, walking the dog, making dinner, cleaning up from dinner, oh, better buy the groceries so we can actually EAT dinner, and trying to squeeze in a workout or two to keep my sanity. Fifteen hours a week...that's around the number of hours the average teenager sleeps on ONE weekend night.

As Americans we tend to define ourselves by what we do.  Very rarely do we hear someone introduce another by saying..."This is Joe, he likes long walks on the beach, relaxing with family, and most recently completed his first triathlon".  More often, we hear..."This is Joe, he is a brand manager at (insert fortune 500 company) in (insert large U.S. Metropolis).  He went to (insert top 20 business school)...yadda, yadda, yadda".  Now, don't get me wrong, I find little wrong with defining some of who you are by what you do, but, in my mind, and maybe it's just me, there is so much MORE to me than what I do from 9 to 5 (well in my case, it's more like 7:30 to 5:30). 

Harvard Business Review contributor Tony Schwartz recently published an article entitled "Is the Life You're Living Worth the Price You're Paying to Live It?" (http://blogs.hbr.org/schwartz/2011/07/is-the-life-youre-living-worth.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter, HBR Blog Network, July 6, 2011).  In the article Schwartz likens the American work ethic to the story of a boiling frog:

What toll does it take, over time, if you get too little sleep; skip breakfast or settle for something unhealthy; struggle with a relentlessly challenging commute; attend meeting after meeting with no breaks in between; pump yourself up through the day with multiple cups of coffee or sugary snacks; deal with hundreds of emails that accumulate in your inbox; remain at your desk for lunch if you eat lunch at all; push through fatigue in the afternoon; head home at night feeling exhausted, but continue to check email through the evening; work on the weekends; and limit your vacations to no more than a week or two, if you vacation at all?

Consider the story of the boiling frog. It may or may not be true, but the point it makes certainly is. Toss a frog into a pot of boiling water and it instinctively jumps out, self-protectively. Next, place the frog into a pot of cool water. Not surprisingly, it swims around, happily. Now heat the water up very gradually and what does the frog do? It acclimates to untenable circumstances — and slowly cooks. The frog doesn't notice what's happening to him, until it's too late.

Now, this may seem a bit harsh, but I could name off a number of people (some of whom I know well) that seem to live by this credo.  Work more, work harder...work to the bone.  Don't get me wrong, I consider myself a dedicated employee and positive contributor to the organization for whom I work.  But, am I willing to give up my evenings with my husband, my weekends with friends and family, the volunteer opportunities, trips to take, and memories to make all to get in that extra hour, two, or twenty in the office to 'get ahead'?  Absolutely not!

It's interesting that the article goes on to state how counterproductive the "boiling frog" worker is:

"Allostatic load" is a term coined by the neuroscientist Bruce McEwen that refers to the physiological consequences — most especially on the brain — of chronic exposure to relentless demand. When fight-or-flight hormones circulate in our body for too long, keeping our arousal high, they become toxic — not just physically, but also emotionally and mentally.

The most immediate problem with the fight-or-flight state is that our pre-frontal cortex begins to shut down. We become reactive rather than reflective. We lose precisely what we need most in these complex times: the capacity to think analytically and imaginatively; to embrace nuance and paradox rather than choosing up sides; and to take a long-term perspective rather than making the most expedient choice.

Sound familiar?  It seems there is some truth to the phrase "work hard, play harder".  Our bodies need a break, they demand it.  I Guess I am doing something right by allowing myself to eat away from my desk on occasion, to take that much needed walk with a co-worker to the coffee shop to re-caffeinate and rejuvenate, and most importantly to allow myself to unplug and totally unwind with a good book, a fantastic movie, or an unforgettable trip with a loved one.  Hmmm, speaking of, time to plan that next getaway...this girl's not going to be boiled!!

For Better....or those 'other' times

(Comic Strip courtesy of "For Better or For Worse" by Lynn Johnston, 4.11.1980)

No one ever tells you how challenging marriage will be.  I guess that's what makes the journey so interesting. Boy meets girl, they date for a while, decide they are in love, boy proposes, and voila!, you have a marriage in the making!  Now, I don't want to seem like I am trivializing or oversimplifying the journey up to this point, but, in retrospect, that was the 'easy' part. 

I couldn't wait to marry Jason...shortly into our courtship I knew he was the 'one'.  Up to that point, I always wondered what that phrase meant...the 'one'.  In the words of "Jerry Maguire": 

"He completed me"...completes me... 

Finding the right mate is like finding that perfect pair of running shoes....they have to be comfortable, sturdy, flexible, supportive, and most importantly, enduring.  I'll be the first to say I am not an easy person to live with.  I am tenacious (stubborn), ambitious (pushy), and eager (impatient).  No one's perfect, right? 

Whenever you take two independent, motivated individuals and unite them into one, you are bound to have a few bumps along the way.  Being married is akin to a lifelong rollercoaster ride...a new adventure awaits with every up, down, twist, and turn.  Jason and I have had our share of adventures...testing the limits of our patience, strength, and endurance as a couple.  Sometimes the most mundane tasks (like taking the car key off your key ring before locking the car and heading to the start line of a running race) can lead to a new adventure (like calling a locksmith on the 4th of July to break into said car where car key is safely nestled along with cell phone needed to call locksmith and wallet needed to pay locksmith) to joyfully listening to said car's alarm blare not so tranquilly for 45 minutes while said locksmith and husband try to figure out how to turn it off.  Yes, our adventures abound! 

I do have to say though, that I think I've found that perfect pair of running shoes in my mate.  His arms provide the perfect place to rest comfortably and read a book, watch a movie, or talk into the night.  His hands are sturdy, always holding us up when it would be much easier to fall down.  His flexibility has allowed us to travel the globe and open ourselves to amazing, unforgettable experiences.  His support has and continues to allow me to pursue my professional and personal passions with enthusiasm.  His love for me and evertyhing he does endures this rollercoaster ride of the better and all those 'other' times in our journey together.  And the best part...we get to cover all of these miles and adventures together...in retrospect, all of those 'other' times make for pretty funny stories too!

Finding my way

"There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream." ~Author Unknown

My family and I recently returned from a much needed vacation to San Diego. It was not only a vacation but a time of discovery, reflection, and most of all, a time to make life-long memories. Jason and I had the great opportunity to live in San Diego not once, but twice. A long, but very unintersting story...two of our many moves across the country. I LOVE San Diego, I mean I LOVEEEEEEEEE San Diego!!!!! The beaches, the sun, the neverending outdoor activities...the food (fish tacos - yum), the eccentric people (dare I mention the thong-wearing rollerblader), the laidback tempo, but most of all, I LOVE me there. There is something magical about that place. Maybe its the carefree memories of a life that seems so far away, maybe its seeing the sun and feeling it's rays on my Iowa-winter-pale skin. Whatever it is, I want to capture that feeling, bottle it up and take it with me EVERYWHERE!

This trip was something I knew I needed but I didn't really realize why until we were sitting at the airport, Starbucks in hand, waiting to make the long journey back home. I have spent the last 8-plus years trying to figure out how to match my life dreams with that of my husband. How to mesh our hopes, wants, desires into a life that would be remarkable, memorable, and successful. I've never longed for a big house, fancy car, or mega-bucks job, but I have wished, hoped, and dreamed of having stability, security, and happiness. Sometimes I feel like this must be wishing for too much as I have yet to capture this fantasy life.

Part of our vacation was spent participating in the San Diego Dodge Rock 'n' Roll Half (Jason and I) and Full (my brother) Marathon.

I had forgotten how much I love participating in running races. From the Expo, to the starting line, to each magical and sometimes brutal step forward to the finish and receipt of my crown jewel (medal), there is little in life that I find more fulfilling than pushing myself in such a physical, mental, and emotional way to achieve something that very few have the courage to try. Watching the thousands of people before me and the thousands (okay, maybe hundreds) behind me, reminded me that although I didn't know a single soul (beyond my husband and brother) in this crowd, we were all working towards the same goal...to finish something we had trained for months to complete, to achieve a goal we had set before ourselves...as I overhead the race announcer say as they released corral by corral, "it doesn't matter where you finish, the medal's the same".

You might say, so what does this experience have to do with me "finding my way". Everything! This race was a not so silent reminder that regardless of the number of miles I may have to run in pursuit of my dream, each step brings me one breath, one drop of sweat, one heartbeat closer to my fantasy life.

Time of MY life

I have been spending a lot of time lately reflecting, or brooding rather, on the fact that in one short week, I will be the ripe 'old' age of 32. Yep, I said it, 32. Turning 30 didn't really hit me...after all, it didn't really feel that different than 29...and didn't sound that much older, in fact, when I turned 30, I thought, YES...life is really beginning...this will be MY decade. My decade for what, you ask. Well, to launch that career, buy our first house, start a family, earn my master's degree, volunteer more, be a better daughter, wife, sister, friend.

Here I am almost two full years into this new decade and I feel that I am far from accomplishing any of this list of the decade of thirty. I have always been a very driven, goal-oriented individual. My mom used to joke to others to stay out of my way when I was on a mission or I might bowl you over...funny, but, in a way true. I find myself often channeling my focus to the future. I almost obsess about it. My days encompass thinking about that next city, job, apartment, lunch, dinner, workout. I often look at my husband, Jason, in frustration and awe. He has an uncanny ability to 'live in the moment'. It seems, at times, there is nothing more on his mind than the enjoyment of the bite of cereal he just put in his mouth. I don't mean to present this in a belittling manner. I truly admire this characteristic about him. He is so able to enjoy the moments of each day instead of thinking about the 'to do' list of tomorrow, next week, next month, next year.

The world we live in requires a wicked pace to keep up. I find myself gasping and exhausted in the continual quest for tomorrow. I would love to allow myself the joy of experiencing that first taste of coffee in the morning, the blast of hot water in the shower, the snuggle of our dog Delaney, my husband's kiss farewell...but, I find myself thinking about what lies ahead for me. This year I will give myself the gift of time...to focus on the moments of today while continuing to dream of tomorrow.

Hopelessly devoted

"What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen each other in all labour, to minister to each other in all sorrow, to share with each other in all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent unspoken memories?" - George Eliot

Today marks what would have been my grandparent's 62nd wedding anniversary. I say what would have been as we lost my grandpa in early October this past year. Sixty-two years...spending that number of years with one person is unimaginable to me. Sixty-two years, that's twice my age, two lifetimes of me...together, with one person, a friend, a confidante, a partner, a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold.

Sixty-two years of hopelessly being devoted to one person, one life, one dream for a lifetime of happiness, hopes, and memories. Until I met my husband, I could never have comprehended being so utterly devoted to a singular person. Before him, I was an independent, driven, wandering woman. Adventure was at my fingertips...jetting off to the East Coast for a weekend, a girls trip to the city, a late night out on the town. Every new day was invigorating and exciting...a new journey into the unknown.

Now, life consists of grocery lists, gas bills, car payments, and responsible saving...for that house, one day. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being married. I LOVE going to bed and waking up next to my best friend. I LOVE that we make the bed together each morning, knowing that small sacrifice of each of our time will save a 'discussion' later that night. I LOVE that he knows my favorite flowers are Calla Lilies, my favorite color is yellow, that my fingers and toes go numb when it's below 40 degrees outside, that I'll pick Neapolitan Ice Cream over a premium flavor, any day. That I dream we'll have the chance to live abroad one day, that I hope to be able to pursue my passion with the energy and fulfillment that he infuses into his profession each and every day.

Most of all, I love that even though life has given us what have seemed like insurmountable challenges, unbelievable opportunities, and unforgettable adventures, we remain hopelessly devoted to one another, each and every minute, every hour, every day. For anyone who is or has been married, you know this is no small feat. We live in a world that now measures commitment in seconds and hours instead of days, months...years. Where relationships are deemed 'official' when listed on your social networking site, where we can change our beliefs with a simple 'tweet'. That is why, this weekend, as I remember my grandfather on this sixty-second wedding anniversary, I will remember the love, support, and commitment that he and my grandmother shared. Their marriage was an inspiration, a testament of selfless devotion with your one, true love.

New Shoes

It had been one of those days. It seemed nothing could go right. I left early to get to work 'on time'. I dropped my lunch bag while trying to put it into the car. I nearly slipped on my walk from the parking garage to the office, 5 bags in tow. All to find out I hadn't arrived early enough, I sent the wrong email, I forgot to follow up on a phone call. One of THOSE days...

A perfect day, I thought, to try out that new pair of running shoes that had been beckoning to me from my bedroom floor for over a week. A week, you say! Who buys new shoes and doesn't wear them for a week? I do. A new article of clothing, a new pair of earrings, new perfume, and most importantly new running shoes must wait to make their debut until that perfect moment, the ultimate introduction to my crazy life.

I started running almost 16 years ago out of curiosity, boredom, to get healthy...lose weight. What can I say, it stuck. I have run through rainstorms, snow storms, heat, humidity, and sub-zero temperatures. I have discovered hidden pathways, new cities, foreign lands, unchartered territories. I have run on graduation days, wedding days, birthdays, honeymoons. I have run through bad news, stress, disappointment, happiness, sadness, joy, sorrow, triumph, and defeat. Running is my addiction, my meditation, my time for me.

New shoes have long been a symbol of new beginnings for me. You see, my running shoes and I, we have a relationship. We know things about each other no one else could know. Each new purchase symbolizes a fresh start, a new chapter, another friendship to develop.

I took my new shoes for a 'spin' tonight. I told them all about my day, the, highs, the lows, my hopes, my dreams. And you know what, they listened. Step by step, mile by mile. I think this is the beginning of another unforgettable relationship in the race of life.


The Race
"Quit, give up, you're beaten"
They shout at you and plead
"There's just too much against you
This time you can't succeed".

And as I start to hang my head
In front of failures face
My downward fall is broken by
The memory of a race

And hope refills my weakened will
As I recall that scene
Or just the thought of that short race
Rejuvenates my being

Childrens race, young boys
Young men, how I remember well
Excitement sure, but also fear
It wasn't hard to tell

They all lined up so full of hope
Each thought to win that race
Or tie for first, or if not that
At least take second place

The fathers watched from off the side
Each cheering for his son
And each boy hoped to show his dad
That he could be the one

The whistle blew and off they went
Young hearts and hopes afire
To win and be the hero there
Was each young boys desire

And one boy in particular
Whose dad was in the crowd
Was running near the lead and thought
"My dad will be so proud"

But as they speeded down the field
Across a shallow dip
The little boy who thought to win
Lost his step and slipped

Trying hard to catch himself
With hands flew out to brace
And amid the laughter of the crowd
He fell flat on his face

But as he fell his dad stood up
And showed his anxious face
Which to the boy so clearly said
"Get up and win the race"

He quickly rose, no damage done
Behind a bit that's all
And ran with all his night and mind
To make up for the fall

So anxious to restore himself
To catch up and to win
His mind went faster than his legs
He slipped and fell again

He wised then that he had quit before
With only one disgrace
"I'm hopeless as a runner now
I shouldn't try to race"

But in the laughing crowd he searched
And found his fathers face
That steady look which said again
"Get up and win the race"

So up he jumped to try again
Ten yards behind the last
If I'm going to gain those yards he thought
I've got to move real fast

Exerting everything he had
He regained eight or ten
But trying hard to catch the lead
He slipped and fell again

Defeat, he lay there silently
A tear dropped from his eye
There's no sense running anymore
Three strikes, I'm out, why try?

The will to rise had disappeared
All hope had fled away
So far behind so error prone
A loser all the way

"I've lost, so what", he thought
I'll live with my disgrace
But then he thought about his dad
Whom soon he'd have to face

"Get up" the echo sounded low
"Get up" and take your place
You were not meant for failure here
"Get up", and win the race

With borrowed will "Get up" it said
"You haven't lost at all"
For winning is no more than this
To rise each time you fall

So up he rose to run once more
And with a new commit
He resolved, that win or lose
At least he shouldn't quit

So far behind the others now
The most he'd ever been
Still he'd give it all he had
And run as though to win

Three times he'd fallen, stumbling
Three times he'd rose again
Too far behind to hope to win
He still ran to the end

They cheered the winning runner
As he crossed the line first place
Head high and proud and happy
No falling, no disgrace

But when the fallen youngster
Crossed the line, last place
The crowd gave him the greater cheer
For finishing the race

And even though he came in last
With head bent low, unproud
You would have thought he'd won the race
To listen to the crowd

And to his dad he sadly said
"I didn't do too well"
"To me you won", his father said
"You rose each time you fell"

by D. H. Groberg

Have Patience

As a child, I would sit for hours many times listening to a record called "The Music Machine"...a record filled with songs about important life lessons. One of my favorite songs, sung by none other than Herbert the Snail, was "Have Patience". As I listen to this song again while writing this post, I am reminded that patience is unfortunately a skill I have not yet perfected.

Two years ago my husband, Jason, our dog Delaney, and I loaded up all of our belongings in a U-Haul and began the 20-hour trek from Massachusetts back to Iowa...our eternal safe zone. Moving across country is something that Jason and I have become quite good at. Over the last 8 years together we have lived in Iowa, California, Illinois, Texas, Arizona, and Massachusetts. One might think we work in the Armed Forces or that perhaps we are running from the law. Alas, neither is true:) We have been running the last several years...to find ourselves...to find one another...to find that 'perfect' job, location, environment that we could spend the rest of our lives...or at least more than two years at a time.

Our East Coast adventure had been one of challenges, opportunities, experiences and adventures. The adventure came abruptly to a halt in late June 2008. On a beautiful, clear Friday summer afternoon, I had just returned from one of my favorite running locales to a phone call from Jason...he had just lost his job. I felt like I had taken a massive blow to the stomach, I couldn't breathe. I tried to remain calm as Jason filled me in with the details and I waited patiently for him to arrive home safely. I had no idea what we would do...how were we going to pay rent, buy groceries, put gas in our cars. I was literally scared...to death. And so the running began, again.

According to experts, among a variety of life-altering events, such as death in the family, divorce, and serious illness, losing your job ranks among the highest in stress-causing situations. Unfortunately, we can both attest to this statement with first-hand knowledge. The last two years have been the most challenging, stressful, emotionally, physically and psychologically exhausting of my 31 years of life. There were days that I didn't want to get out of bed, that I could do nothing but blame Jason for our situation, for requiring us once more, to come back to our safety zone. It has taken much strength, patience, and adversity but we have seen this challenge through. We have learned much about each other in the process and have a new found respect for those that face such challenges with much more to overcome. In retrospect, I truly do believe everything happens for a reason. I have yet to fully discern what that is...but...that's part of the journey right?

To new beginnings...

I have always been slow to jump on the 'in' bandwagon. A great friend recently introduced me to her blog "Thighs and Offerings", I was intrigued by her poetic writing, her thoughtful prose, her humor and inspiration...I began to think, I could do that. The more I pondered the idea, the more life continued to take hold, the more I realized, I need to do this, for me, for anyone out there living life, trying to find their way.

I have been a daughter for over 30 years, a sister for almost 30, a wife for almost five, a runner for many, a traveler for as long as I can remember. Each day we choose numerous words and phrases to define ourselves and what we do. It is through these words that we pave the pathway of life.

You may be wondering, why the title "Cause and Affect"? Over the last few years life has provided many challenges and opportunities...one ending and another beginning. It's sometimes hard not to wonder, what if I would have chosen differently? A different college, a different job, a different destination...but with each decision we have the opportunity to choose, to select our path and to affect our lives. I am a wife, a daughter, a sister, a runner, a philanthropist, a traveler...but most of all, I am ME!

And so my journey begins...