It never ceases to amaze me how in a blink of an eye life can just change. The secret is it's usually not been a blink though that led to the change. I am not sure how I've become so 'blind' to someone who's face I look at every day, who's voice I hear on the phone, who's arms hold me tight. What happened to us? I've been asking myself that all week. I just can't believe I didn't see it before now.
Life is hard. I think about the last nine years and it's so easy to focus on all the lows, the fights, the crying, the feeling that I am constantly giving. Why can't I focus on the hugs, the late nights laying in bed talking, the laughter, the happy tears, the dancing, the silliness and wonderful memories. Why are those pieces of me, of us so buried?
I am not asking for life to be easy. I am asking to find the way to find me, to find us. I have been so busy chasing the life I thought I needed I didn't take the time to recognize the great life I have. I know we are still in there. According to Acts 17:11 Bible Studies, "many think the word repent means "to get your act together" or to "get religion" or "fly straight"; as if we could. Repentance requires taking in a whole new point of view; looking at it God's way. God simply asks us to turn. This is the way we accept His gift. When we do, certain outcomes are promised. If we don't, or we "turn back", alternate outcomes are promised." So here it is, I am taking this moment to 'Turn Around'.
Saying sorry is never enough to the one you love and yet that's the easiest thing to do. I think about the number of times I've said that but never really given thought to the action or behaviour that I felt required those three words, "I am sorry". I am sorry. I am so sorry that I've spent so much time chasing the future I thought I needed that I've not been living in the present. That I've spent so much energy on being unhappy that I feel I've forgotten what it feels like to be happy. That I've been so wrapped up in myself that I've ignored the one person that means the most in this world to me. That I've not given that person love in the way that he needs it, deserves it, desires it.
Life gets away from you so easily, so quickly. It's time to slow down, to embrace the little moments, to take time for conversation, to see what's in front of me, around me, within me. To share that with the one that's brought me happiness, laughter, stability, and most of all, love.
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