As I sat at our Easter Service a few days ago, listening to the minister's sermon, surrounded by my family, I began to think about all that's happened this past year. 2012 was the most difficult year of my 34 years on this earth. Riddled with challenges and tragedy, I never thought I'd make it through it. When January 1, 2013 arrived, I was elated...hoping and praying that the difficulties of 2012 were behind me, hoping that God would decide that He had tested me/us enough.
As we rolled through those first few weeks of January, I had a renewed energy and spirit, feeling happy and hopeful about what the new year would bring. As we entered the half-way mark of the first month of the year, my hope quickly dissipated as our sweet puppy, Delaney, at only 6 years of age was diagnosed with lymphoma. We were devastated...Delaney is our baby, she's been our refuge on a bad day, the comfort through the storms, the glue that's held us together when it seemed nothing else would. We couldn't stand the thought of losing our spunky pup without putting up a fight. This Friday will mark the half-way point and her eighth chemo treatment (yes, they do chemo for dogs). It's been an extreme financial sacrifice for us...but one that we'll never regret. Each day I come home to that happy face and wagging tail, I feel so thankful that we chose to give her another chance.
February brought blessed news to us...we learned on Valentine's Eve that we were expecting again! We should have been overjoyed...thrilled for this wonderful blessing, especially after the devastating loss of our first baby last October, but, we felt mostly fear. Fear of being hurt again, of losing something that represents so much hope. Our first appointment was on February 27 (my dad's birthday - I felt this was a good omen because how could God give us bad news on such a great day). I was literally shaking as they performed the ultrasound...much to our elated joy and surprise...there was our baby...heart beating fast and strong. We both relaxed...we had been so fearful to talk about it for fear of setting ourselves up to be hurt again. As we left the appointment, we felt a renewed sense of hope, perhaps things WOULD really work out this time. We returned a week later to make sure things were progressing as they should. I knew moments after the ultrasound tech began that bad news was once again on the way. In just a few short days, our sweet baby, our hope of so many joyous possibilities, was taken away from us. It was as if someone had stabbed me in the heart. The news we had feared but yet somehow expected had come true. They say 95% of woman who experience a miscarriage in their first pregnancy go on to have a healthy pregnancy. I never in a million years thought I would be part of that 'other' statistic. That meager 5%...I mean, I'm 'healthy and young' (or least according to my doctor). I was stunned.
And if all this hasn't provided us enough challenge, God decided last week that we needed at least one more hurdle to jump. Just 10 short days after learning that our offer had been accepted to purchase our first house, we learned that we would be a one income family as of July 1st, as my husband will no longer be employed...
It's amazing what one can endure. I'm the first to realize there are people on this earth that have faced and continue to endure so much more tragedy than I have/we have, but, some days, it's hard to believe that. A Facebook friend recently posted the following picture:
As I sit here tonight writing this post, I continue to hope and pray, to plead with God to give us the healthy baby we so desire, to continue to help heal our beloved Delaney, to allow someone to see the wonderful talent my husband has and invite him to join their team...but most of all, I thank God for making me strong enough to endure these challenges, for making me realize how blessed I am to have wonderful, supportive family and friends, a loving husband, a growing faith, and most of all that I AM strong enough to live this life that is mine in all it's tragedy and triumph. 
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